Gone home

It happened last Monday.

My grandpa was doing his usual dialysis when he complained of chain pains.Tuesday, when my grandma asked him if he wanted her to feed him dinner, there was no response. A moment ago ,he was still asking her to go watch her favourite Hokkien show on Channel 8.

So when I called my student to cancel my tuition appointment that day, I told him the truth; that the doctor said my grandpa's heart was failing and may not last the night. Saying it aloud crushed me beyond anything.

Just one day before, on Sunday, we celebrated his advanced birthday. That was the last time I saw him smiling before being hospitalised, playing with his youngest grandson. And when the little one pushed him around in his wheelchair mimicking the sounds of an ambulance, everyone laughed it off. He told my grandma on Monday, maybe that was a sign.



That day, he ate an extra big slice of coffee cake. He even told my grandma that he wanted to eat Laksa on Saturday so she should not put too much water into the rice. He certainly knew his food.

He passed away on Wednesday.

I remember when I was little he would take me to the coffeeshop near my house before bringing me to school to drink Horlicks. He would order one cup for himself and one cup for me. "Helps you grow up strong," he would tell me.

I remember his favourite show - Crimewatch. When the preview for it flashed on the TV screen he would ask me when it was and invariably it would be the friday that week. Watching Crimewatch became something like a family event, with Grandma, him and me sitting in the living room watching the re-enactments.



I remember him recording verses from the bible on his cassette tape recorder and he would smile while playing them back. Later in the night when he couldn't sleep, he would play them.

I remember buying for him Famous Amos cookies when I first got my tuition pay and from then on he became a fan of butterscotch and pecans- just like me.



I remember he has green fingers and the entire row of plants along the corridor flourished under his care. When he watered his plants , it was with a metal kettle and when he couldn't do it anymore, he asked me to help him. He often told me to go easy on the cacti.



I remember there was once a fish tank in our living room, brimming with Goldfish and he was the one who taught me when you place a hose into a fish tank and lay it all the way to bathroom, all you got to do is to give the hose a suck and you could drain the entire fish tank of water. I very vividly asking him what if I sucked in the water in the fish tank. He told me to spit it out immediately.

I remember him telling me that should he pass away one day, all the coins in his collection are mine. I remember quickly changing the subject.

I remember just one week before he was admitted to hospital we were celebrating Grandma's Birthday and he wore his favourite hat, his newest infatuation.


I remember him giving me two dollars every sunday to give as offering on my day to church.

I remember him telling me the pass for one of his briefcases but when the time came for me to open it, I couldn't remember.

I can't remember how he taught me to ride a bicycle and the time he fell down when I finally rode it.

I can't remember how the lines of his face changes he laughs.

I can't remember the taste of his fabulous crab meatball which he stopped making a few years ago when he was first diagnosed.

I can't remember any time when he got angry.




Kongkong , you are in a very comfortable place now. Do take good care! We held your wake at the same place you taught me to ride the bicycle, at the void deck of block 9A. There are bicycles there still. Mama asked me to turn up the volume to the cassette player so you can hear. I think you read the verses very well! I also passed your handwritten will you kept in my drawer to your son just like you told me to, so you don't have to worry. I have all your coins and your cassette tapes are very safe.

Happy Belated Birthday.

Your grandson,
Daniel